COACH: I have one last question for you...will you give up on plays, nay, the entire game if things don't go well in the first half?
OSU Recruit: Absolutely.
COACH: Then here's a scholarship, welcome to the Oregon State Pussies, err..I mean Beavers...same thing, right? C'mon, let's go talk to Paul Buker and he'll tell the world you're the second coming of Christ.
OSU Recruit: But no D1 school really wanted me besides you guys.
COACH: Oh, don't worry about that. When people see you were offered by Utah Valley State, they'll know you were a "diamond in the rough" recruit.
OSU Recruit: But coach, I only have a 1.7 GPA and I'm working on passing some online classes. That and my mission, as well as some nagging issues with my back and knees.
COACH: You worry too much. Unless of course you WANT us to take away your scholarship worth thousands of dollars in free education...
OSU Recruit: No no no, I'll take it!
Later that day....
PAUL BUKER/CLIFF KIRKPATRICK: OSU got itself another excellent prospect today. He isn't highly ranked but his high school coach said he once helped an old woman cross a street.
OSU "faithful": Gee golly, what a nice young man.
OSU realist: We don't really need a guy in that position. Plus he doesn't look that good on film.
OSU "faithful": SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU PIECE OF SHIT, OUR COACHES KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO. I'LL FUCKING STAB YOUR MOM FOR SAYING ANYTHING BAD ABOUT RILEY AND ROBINSON's coaching/recruiting!
OSU "faithful" 2: You must be one of those bandwagon fans we picked up after the Fiesta Bowl. Go to hell!
OSU realist: Holy shit you guys are crazy...I guess you like watching us fail. I think I'll do something else like watching grass grow...at least that has a chance of working out.
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