Recruiting Weekend

“My problem isn’t attracting women, but rather attracting ones I’m attracted to.”

There could a reason for this. You might be putting yourself in situations where those you’re attracted to are there for men they’re attracted to, not for any kind of fun. When you restrict your habits to a small group of places, you restrict yourself.

Think about it for a second. Where do you go to meet women? You probably go where other males go, and at the same time. Do you think women are dumb enough to appear at these places because they think they won’t get hit on? Everyone goes to these places for the hunt. And that’s the mistake most guys make. You should be a gatherer, not a hunter. Talk to women of all ages, ethnicities, shapes, etc. whether you’re attracted to them or not. You’ll find that it becomes easier to make friends instead of treating them as a target. And when you talk to these women, you create and solidify casual relationships and friendships.

That sweet older woman who works at the grocery store is genuinely interested in you if you’re kind and somewhat interesting. Share quick ideas for recipes with her as she scans your food. She will reciprocate. Then you go to something like the free admission night at the art museum (fourth Friday of every month in Portland still?), and you run into her… and her niece. SHe introduces you as that someone I told you about, and you blush. And she talks about you because you’re kind and have recipes, not because you’re planning to climb Everest and/or run your tenth marathon.

Think of the places you go and the people you meet as a chance to brand yourself. You gather a network, and the network will work for you in unexpected ways.

Things not to do:
1. Go to a bar on a Thursday, Friday or Saturday. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday are better days for meeting down to earth people. You can probably choose one of those to go to trivia night. It’s better than wallowing in your glass on a Friday while women only seeking attention bore you with how much attention they need… at a bar.

2. Sit at home on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Something as simple as going for a walk after dinner is better than watching TV… alone. It’s easy to find things to do Thursday through Sunday. But if you waste those days partying and spend the other days sitting on your couch, you’re going to not like the people you meet. Volunteer for some weekly event one of these nights. Join a group that does something you like on Meetup.com. Remember that you’re networking. Go to the book store for an hour and just look around. It makes you more interesting (to employers as well) when you do stuff… any stuff… and can talk about it like it’s interesting. It doesn’t have to be interesting. You just have to make it sound interesting. And if yu do it, you grow to like it. If you like it, you can be genuine in telling about it.

3. Go to the gym and lift/run/etc. The gym is another place where hunters and prey gather. In fact, if it’s on a “where to meet women” list, you can expect guys to flock there for that purpose. Go to a gym for yourself only. That means you go when you want to be alone. And by “alone” I mean being the only man in the place. Think for a second. Most posers lift weights in front of their mirrors in the evenings then go out to pose some more at the bars. Weekend mornings turn out to be a great time to be at the gym. While the posers are hung-over and wondering who the crazy girl next to them might be named, there are classes which are fully attended by lots and lots of women who didn’t waste their times at the bar last night. Join one of the classes… or don’t. Many hang around and continue to work out after the classes. And when they look at the only guy in the place just walking on a treadmill they see someone who didn’t go get bombed and end up with daddy-issue-girl last night. They see someone who has some sense. This sometimes leads to the next.

4. Don’t make dates on the weekend nights. And if you do, make it for something you want to do. If she doesn’t like it, you have less in common. If she does, you have something you can talk about with intelligence. Make dates for things like dinner on a Tuesday or lunch on a Saturday. There are no expectations, and that leads to fun.

Break out of your cycle. Shop at the grocery store at 9pm on a Saturday instead of when all the posers are cruising the aisles. Go to the gym when men don’t go. Spend your weeknights doing something. Spend your weekends doing something different like a flea market or a festival (isn’t the chocolate festival this weekend?). Instead of joining a dating site, make it more organic. Join Yelp and contribute honestly. You’ll discover people who do the same and have similar interests commenting on the same things as you. Then you’ll see them start commenting on your comments and asking you advice and such through PMs… more networking. Take a cooking class. Go to the library or the museum. Take a walk and stop in the shops you always walk by just to take a look… even if it’s just the knitting store or the tchotchke shop. Tell them you just wanted to see what they had. Hell, you might find a unique gift for a family member. It’s hard to not be liked by a shop owner when you say something like, “My grandma’s birthday is coming up, and I want something thoughtful to give to her.”

The more acquaintances you gather, the better you feel about yourself in the community. The more you become human to them, the more they work positively for you… in subtle and big ways.